I Want To Be Happy But That Seems To Be The Hardest Thing To Do Right Now

Right now there are many things I want.

But mostly I want to be happy.

But happiness seems to be the most evasive thing for me lately.

I feel like I am using someone to get over another.....but right now I just can't love someone, like

I love(d) him

I can fool around and try to drown him out

but he took a piece of me and kept it

And I keep remembering the feeling of what it felt like to have a whole heart.

Now it is just broken

just in pieces

Just there.It hurts

But all I need is time

I will not use this person, meaning I will not leave them after feel better.

But they must know that I am "using" them as a distraction so I don't cry night and day

I hope they understand and still care the way they do

but if they don't I'll understand

because I know I am an awful person

and really messed up right now.