Update

Lately I have been having a lot of stress directed towards me because of a debt that I have. I also have no job so it takes a really long time for me to earn anything.
My anxiety problems are acting up as well it is really hard for me not to freak out. And all of this is causing physical problems for me as well. It is really hard. I wish there was a way for me to get out of this. I haven't been able to do any writing lately because of my college classes. I have a computer class that seems pointless to me. I wish they had a test to see if you knew how to use a computer. Then if you got a certain score then you wouldn't have to take the class. Because I think that it is pointless and a waste of money to take that class if you know everything in it.
I have my psychiatrist appointment today and I am going to try and see if I can go and ask him a bunch of questions and see if I can get to a point where I don't need him anymore. Or I can at least get a better medication for my anxiety. I really don't know what I am going to do if I can't see my boyfriend.


I for got to mention. I am grounded. I think I will be for about a month. It is a long story, and one that I would rather not go into on a public site. But the gyste of it is that I am grounded and I can only see my boyfriend during classes. It really sucks because he can help me calm down and relax whenever I need to. I will try my best to make it through this time. But it is REALLY hard.

My Day, And Some Of My Life

I had a great day today. Me and my boyfriend had a great time being together. Just us being together makes us feel great. We make each others days. Tomorrow we are going to have a movie marathon of sorts. It is going to be cool! He got his new sterio system in today! It really was fun. We were driving home blasting Rob Zombie all over the place! It was so much fun!

Sometimes me and him don't have a good day but then we talk to each other, and we feel so much better. We have that kind of effect on each other. I love him. I really do. I love spending time with him and see the amazing smile that lights up his face when I do somethin stupid. But most of all I love the look he gives me when we are just sitting side by side and I glance at him and try my hardest to tell him how much I love him without words, and I start to cry with that overwhelming emotion. And he gets a look on his face that talls me that ne matter what I do or say, he will still love me and want to protect me untill the end.

I care for him so deeply. His family treats me as one of their own.

I also love the fact that he is just as mentally messed up as I am. It makes me hoot with laughter when I think about all of the completely insane things that we do together. We can also confide in each other when we had a bad illusion, waking nightmare, nightmare, or fear. But we also confide our dreams, and hopes in each other. That is a quality I love. I also love that no matter how many little tiffs we may have we come out loving each other the same, if not even more.

I love him, and that is really all their is to say.

Writing, My Life

As well as music being a very large part of my life is writing. I love to get all I can out on paper or on the Internet. I love being able to say whatever I want in my journal. I never get yelled at for cursing, never get argued with, never interrupted by some other person's thoughts. It is amazing what can come out of my brain through my arm and down into my fingers finally coming out on the tip of my pencil or pen. I love the feeling of accomplishing something like that. I love being able to just "dump" everything on my mind onto something that won't comment back and won't judge me. It makes me feel so much calmer and freer.

I love being able to tell my darkest dreams, my private thoughts, the extent of my love for people. Who I truly care about, and just the things that other people might become frightened if they happened to read them.

I also love to write on the Internet, like I am now. I love having people tell me that I am good at writing or that I have good ideas. I love to inspire people and affect people. I love showing off. I love that I can argue with some one and not be worried that they will judge me on looks or try to punch me.

I can let my thoughts flow freely.

I can be liberated.

I am not limited by the amount of people I know but by the amount of people that read this.

On that note, music and writing are important to me but there is much more that makes me, me. I will write about those too, whether now or later.